I thought I was being a good parent. I had a dream — not for me, but for him.
That he’d wear the uniform. Serve the nation. Become an Indian Army officer.
It was the dream I held onto for years.

And I worked hard — not to force it, but to guide him.
From Class 2 onwards, I painted this picture of pride, courage, and respect.
And my son — my sweet boy — took it all in. Silently. Seriously. Lovingly.
But not authentically.

THE YEAR EVERYTHING FELL APART

In 2021, during his 8th grade, something shifted.
He stopped engaging.
He didn’t submit his final exam papers.
And when results came, his name wasn’t on the list.

We were confused. Furious. Embarrassed.
How could our bright child fail to even submit his papers?

We rushed to the school, only to be told he wasn’t promoted because of the missing work.
We pleaded, we pushed, we helped him submit the papers late and requested re-evaluation.
But deep down, I knew something was breaking — and not just in him.

THE CONVERSATION THAT CHANGED ME FOREVER

That evening, we sat down with him — me and Shailu.
No blame. No shouting. Just silence and space.

And that’s when it happened.
Our son said something that felt like a punch to the gut — but was also the truth I needed to hear.

“I never wanted to disappoint you, Dad. I just wanted you to be happy. So I kept pretending.”

“But I don’t want to join the Army. I don’t feel alive doing that. I love… art.”

I froze.

All these years, I thought I was showing love through guidance.
But he received it as pressure.
All those dreams I framed as “for your future”…
He was carrying them like weights tied to his wings.

THE MISERY OF A MISGUIDED PARENT

I felt miserable. Not because he didn’t want what I wanted.
But because I didn’t see him.

I had become so fixated on the path I thought was noble…
That I never stopped to ask:
What lights him up? What makes him feel alive?
Not once had I asked him what he truly wanted.

I was living my dream through him.
And I mistook his silence as agreement.
But in reality, he was slowly disconnecting — from studies, from himself, from life.

THIS IS NOT JUST MY STORY

Since then, I’ve been meeting teens and parents — and I’ve realized:
My story is their story too.
A silent epidemic of misunderstood children and well-meaning but blindfolded parents.

We ask: “What do you want to become?”
But we answer it for them.

We praise obedience. We reward conformity.
And then we’re surprised when they feel lost, anxious, depressed — or worse, numb.

HERE’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED (THE HARD WAY)

💔 You can love your child deeply and still fail to listen.
💔 You can guide with good intentions and still cause harm.
💔 You can be proud of your dreams, but you don’t have the right to assign them.

And most of all:
💔 If your child feels they have to lose themselves to make you proud… we have failed as parents.

A SIMPLE SHIFT THAT CAN SAVE A LIFE

•  Ask. Don’t assume. Listen. Without fixing.
•  Observe. Not just their grades, but their spirit.
•  Accept. Even if what they love scares you.
•  Support. Especially when they walk away from your dream to follow theirs.

IF YOU’RE A PARENT READING THIS…

Don’t wait for a report card to reveal the struggle.
Don’t wait for silence to turn into suffering.

Sit with your child.
Not to lecture. Not to check homework.
Just to be there. To ask:
“What’s been hard for you lately?”
“Is there something you’re doing just to keep us happy?”

And then — stay silent.
Let them speak. Let them cry. Let them finally be heard.

I almost lost my son — not physically, but emotionally.
He was slipping away while I thought I was being the perfect father.

Now, I’m learning to be a better one.
One conversation, one mistake, one breakthrough at a time.