January 2026

When a “No” Is Not Rejection: How We Complicate Love Between Parents and Children In relationships, especially within families, a simple “no” often becomes something far heavier than it is. When someone says no to our request, we unconsciously hear:“No to me.”Not no to the request, not no to the situation, but no to my worth, my importance, my place in your life. This misunderstanding has quietly complicated many of my relationships—until two deeply personal experiences forced me to pause and reflect. A Son Growing Into Himself My son is stepping into adulthood, and recently I noticed a change in him.To me, it felt like distance. To him, it was dignity. One day, he said something that stayed with me: “I feel uncomfortable asking you for money. Many times you say I am spending too much. I have my self-respect. I feel I should earn for my basic needs.” I was surprised—almost shaken. Not because he wanted to earn, but because he felt asking me was somehow diminishing himself. This reaction came from a place I never had to experience at his age. I grew up in a different time, with different parenting, and perhaps more unspoken assumptions. My immediate response was emotional. I felt disconnected. I felt troubled. I wondered—where did I fail? The Mirror of My Parents As I reflected, my parents came to mind. When they grew older and could no longer earn, they rarely asked us for money—especially my mother. She believed asking was disrespectful. She expected us to understand their needs and offer support without being asked. I remember questioning her once: “Why don’t you ask when you need money?” Her response was simple, but powerful. Asking felt like a loss of dignity. And suddenly, I saw the same emotion expressed by my son—across generations, across roles. Different circumstances.Same inner voice. A Realisation That Changed Everything During a conversation with a trusted acquaintance, I heard something that stopped me in my tracks: “We don’t suffer because of situations. We suffer because we overthink them.” That was it. When my son hears my no, it is not a no to him—it is a no to that particular need, at that particular moment. When my mother didn’t ask for money and I didn’t offer, it was not her rejecting support—it was simply me not noticing. Yet in both cases, we silently converted these moments into judgments about self-worth, respect, and love. How We Turn Relationships Into Transactions Somewhere along the way, we unknowingly started treating relationships like transactions: If I ask and you say no, I am less valued. If I depend on you, I lose my dignity. If I give too much, I will be taken for granted. These thoughts introduce ego, expectation, and accounting into relationships that were never meant to carry such weight. Especially between parents and children. Should Self-Respect Exist in Parent–Child Relationships? This is a difficult question. Self-respect is essential in life—but does it need to sit between parents and children? I personally feel that the parent–child bond is meant to be unconditional, not contractual. When ego enters this space, love begins to negotiate instead of flow. A child should not feel smaller for asking.A parent should not feel judged for setting boundaries.An aging parent should not feel invisible for not asking.A grown child should not feel guilty for missing a signal. None of this is rejection.None of this is disrespect. It is simply human imperfection meeting unspoken expectations. The Cost of Overthinking Love Many times in my life, when someone said no to my request, I carried it as a rejection of me. I replayed conversations. I added meanings that were never intended. I complicated my inner world—and with it, my relationships. But the truth is simple: A no is often just a response to a moment, not a verdict on a relationship. When we stop personalising every response, life becomes lighter.When we stop measuring love, it becomes deeper. Choosing Simplicity Over Stories Relationships suffer not because love is absent, but because stories multiply in silence. What if we chose a different lens? What if a no was just a no? What if asking was not weakness? What if giving was not obligation? What if love didn’t need proof? I am still learning. Still unlearning. Still observing myself as a parent, a son, and a human being. But one thing is clear now: We complicate life not because it is complex—but because we overthink love. And perhaps the greatest gift we can offer our children—and our parents—is not money, not advice, not perfection—but presence without ego, and love without accounting.

Don’t Confuse Your Children In my previous article addressed to young people, I shared a simple yet uncomfortable message: “Don’t convince your parents.”That message came from listening deeply to many young minds who are confused, anxious, and emotionally exhausted—not because they lack capability, but because they feel unheard. This article is the other side of that same conversation.This one is for parents. When Love Quietly Turns Into Control Most parents love their children deeply.That love is genuine. That intention is pure. Yet, somewhere along the way, love quietly transforms into control, and concern slowly becomes imposition. As parents, we often believe—consciously or unconsciously—that our children are an extension of us.That because we gave them life, we also have the right to decide how that life should be lived. We tell ourselves: “I know what is best for my child.” “I have seen the world; they have not.” “If I don’t push them, they will fail.” And from this belief, we begin to direct, demand, and sometimes dictate. The Child’s Silent Struggle What many parents do not see is what happens inside the child during this process. When a teenager or a growing adult tries to express a different thought, a different aspiration, or a different dream—and is immediately dismissed, corrected, or judged—the child does not suddenly become wise or disciplined. Instead, one of three things usually happens: They develop self-doubtThey begin to question their own intelligence, intuition, and capability.“Maybe I am not smart enough.”“Maybe I don’t know what I want.” They become aggressive or rebelliousNot because they are irresponsible, but because they feel trapped and unheard. They shut down completelyThey stop trying.They stop sharing.They stop dreaming out loud. And the most painful part?They often carry this confusion alone. When Listening Is Replaced With Labelling Many parents, without realizing it, label their children when they don’t agree: “You are immature.” “You don’t understand the real world.” “You are being disrespectful.” But disagreement is not disrespect.Questioning is not incompetence.Silence is not clarity. When children sense that opening up will only invite criticism or emotional drama, they stop opening up altogether. And that is where confusion begins. Guidance Is Not the Same as Direction There is a profound difference between guiding a child and directing a child. Direction says: “Do this because I said so.” Guidance says: “Help me understand what you are thinking.” Children do not need parents to design their lives.They need parents who can hold space while they figure life out. They don’t need answers all the time.They need listening. The Cost of Confusion A confused child often grows into: An adult who is afraid to make decisions A professional who constantly seeks approval A human being disconnected from what they truly love And none of this comes from lack of talent.It comes from years of not being trusted to think. A Simple Shift for Parents If there is one shift parents can make, it is this: Move from “I know what is right for you”to“Help me understand what feels right to you.” Listening does not mean agreeing.It means respecting the child as a thinking human being. Your role is not to live life for them.Your role is to walk with them—especially when they are unsure. Closing Thought When young people are told, “Don’t convince your parents,” it is not rebellion.It is exhaustion. And when parents learn to listen instead of impose, something beautiful happens: Confusion reduces Trust increases Conversations deepen Children don’t need perfect parents.They need present parents. Parents who listen. Parents who trust. Parents who don’t confuse them while trying to protect them.

Don’t Convince Your Parents Over the last few years, there is one statement I have repeatedly shared with teenagers and young adults during my coaching conversations: “Don’t convince your parents.” At first, this sounds counterintuitive—almost rebellious. Most young people assume their biggest challenge is making their parents understand them. But deeper conversations reveal a different truth altogether. Recently, one of my coachees came to me (early 20s) completely overwhelmed.He said he was confused about life, distracted by social media, unable to focus on his career, and constantly stressed. When we went deeper, two things became very clear: He was not focused on what he truly wanted to achieve. He was equally disconnected from what his parents were asking him to do. When I asked him why he thought this was happening, his answer was familiar: “My parents don’t support me. They don’t understand me.” This belief “my parents are the problem” is where many young people get stuck. How Parents Actually Operate Most parents, across cultures and countries, operate from a single dominant mindset: protection. Parents love deeply.Parents worry constantly.Parents want stability, safety, and predictability for their children. Because of their own life experiences, struggles, and insecurities, many parents believe they are responsible for deciding the “right” career path for their children. They recommend careers they understand, careers they believe will prevent hardship, careers that promise a steady income and social security. Their intention is rarely control.Their intention is safety. But intention alone does not build a meaningful life. The Hard Truth Parents and Children Must Accept Here is the reality most people avoid acknowledging: Parents can influence your life only until you are dependent on them. As children grow into young adults, and eventually into independent individuals, they will end up doing what they truly want to do whether consciously or unconsciously. If a person suppresses their own aspirations for years to please others, the frustration does not disappear. It resurfaces later—often as regret, burnout, anger, or blame. This is why blaming parents makes no sense. At 24, 28, or 35, you are the one living your life.You are the one dealing with dissatisfaction.You are the one handling the consequences. Not your parents. Parents Are Not Responsible for Your Career This is an uncomfortable statement for many, but it must be said clearly: No one is responsible for your career except you. Not your parents.Not your teachers.Not society. Responsibility begins the moment awareness begins. The problem with many young people is not parental pressure it is the absence of ownership. Many expect parents to approve first, support first, or understand first before they take action. That sequence is flawed. Don’t Convince Your Parents. Give Them Confidence. Convincing parents through arguments rarely works.Persuasion through emotional appeals rarely lasts. What parents respond to is confidence. And confidence is not built through words.Confidence is built through action. When you take responsibility for your learning When you show discipline in your routine When you demonstrate progress, however small When your actions reflect seriousness, not confusion Parents begin to listen. Parents begin to trust. Parents begin to stand with you. Not immediately.Not easily.But gradually. Responsibility Comes Before Freedom Most young people want freedom without responsibility. But life works in the opposite direction. Freedom is earned through responsibility. If you want your parents to trust your decisions: Own your choices Accept the risks Stop outsourcing blame Stop hiding behind distractions Stop waiting for validation You do not need your parents’ permission to grow up.You need your own commitment. Patience Is Part of the Journey Parents may take time to accept your path.They may resist.They may worry.They may question. That is natural. Your role is not to fight them.Your role is to stay consistent. Consistency builds credibility.Credibility builds confidence.Confidence changes conversations. A Message to Young People Don’t blame your parents.Don’t convince your parents. Take responsibility for your life.Take responsibility for your career.Show progress through action. When you do that, parents don’t need convincing. They need reassurance. And reassurance comes from who you are becoming—not what you are arguing for.