May 2025

Don’t Think Like a Lizard: A Lesson on Ego, Illusion & Grace In 2015, I had a moment that shook my inner world. At the time, I was leading PositiveShift along with my co-founder Vijay Mitra (VJ). He gave me immense freedom and trust. I was deeply involved, driven, and committed. In many ways, I felt like the lifeblood of the company. But here’s what I didn’t realize then I was slowly falling into a trap.The ego trap. I began to believe that I was the reason for everything working well.I thought, “Without me, things won’t move.” So, when a rare moment of disagreement or discomfort came up, I took it personally.Deeply. “Why would he say that to me?”“After all I’ve done, is this how I’m seen?” The spiral would begin. I’d overthink, overfeel, and burn out not because of the situation, but because of the meaning I attached to it. One day, in the middle of this internal storm, I reached out to Bhaskar Natarajan, a renowned leadership coach and a wise mentor. I poured my heart out to him. He listened patiently, then smiled and said something I’ll never forget: “Venkat… don’t think like a lizard.” I was puzzled.“Lizard?” I asked. He explained: “When a lizard is stuck to the ceiling, it thinks it’s holding the ceiling up. But in reality, it’s hanging there because the ceiling exists. It survives because the structure is strong not because of its own strength.” That hit me like a lightning bolt.I was the lizard.I was mistaking my contribution for control.My efforts for ownership.My presence for permanence. In truth, the platform, the people, the shared mission they were the ceiling that held me up. That day, I learnt something powerful: We contribute, but we don’t carry the world.We are important, but not the only important thing.We receive before we give.We grow because someone, somewhere, created a structure strong enough to hold us. That lesson softened something inside me.It humbled me.It freed me. Fast forward to 2025. While reading “Don’t Believe Everything You Think” by Joseph Nguyen, I came across this line: “Thinking is the root cause of all our suffering.” And once again, I was taken back to that day with Bhaskar. All my pain back then wasn’t from the situation.It came from the thought: “I am doing everything.” That thought created pressure.That thought demanded appreciation.That thought caused suffering. But when I changed the thought to:“I am grateful to be part of this.”Everything shifted. So, I invite you to reflect: Are you holding on to the illusion that the ceiling depends on you? Are you allowing your thoughts to create suffering where there should be service? What if we stopped thinking like lizards?What if we learned to trust the ceiling?What if we celebrated the system that carries us and did our bit with humility, not heaviness? In your company.In your family.In your friendships.In your mission. We are not the ceiling.We are blessed to be on the ceiling. May we serve from that place of grace.

When I Let Go of My Dream for My Son, He Found His Own Wings In my last post, I shared the moment that shook me as a parent—the day my son Pranay finally said the words I never expected: “I’m not meant to be in the Army, Dad. I love art. I just wanted to make you happy.” That honest confession shattered something in me—and built something new. From that point on, we made a decision that changed our lives:To let go of my dream and support his. And let me tell you, for a traditional Indian parents like us, it wasn’t easy. There was fear.There was doubt.There was the silent voice asking, “Are you doing the right thing?”Because Pranay wasn’t choosing medicine, engineering, or CA.He was choosing art, animation, and YouTube. Something completely unfamiliar. Something we never saw anyone do in our family.But we took that first courageous step—and then something amazing happened: Our son gave us confidence by being who he truly was. The Power of Freedom The moment Pranay was free from the weight of carrying my dream, something shifted. He didn’t slack off.He didn’t drift away.He didn’t rebel. Instead, he took charge. He started learning animation, doodling, content creation, digital design.He explored widely—portraits, cartooning, even making short animation clips. For two full years, he learned with full energy and zero resistance. And where did he learn? Not in a classroom.Not from a teacher.But from YouTube. Yes, YouTube became his mentor, his college, his training ground. And my job?To just watch, support, and trust. And then came the moment that left us in awe: Pranay didn’t just pursue his passion…He also topped his Class 10 exams in his school. Yes.The child who once struggled under the pressure of my dreams,the child who once failed to submit his papers in Class 8,emerged as the top scorer in Class 10. Not just in his class.But the highest among all children in our family. The Day I Saw Him Become a Man By the time he completed Class 10, he didn’t just have a dream—he had clarity.He knew he wanted to pursue anime as a career. I saw a young man who was not waiting for someone to tell him what to do. He had direction. He had commitment. He had maturity. More importantly, he had earned our trust. We didn’t need to keep checking if he was serious.He showed us. Every single day. Through his actions, discipline, and effort. A New Definition of Parenting Looking back now, I realise something profound: When you trust your child with freedom, they show you their responsibility.When you remove pressure, they bring their own.When you stop controlling, they start owning. We, as parents, often confuse love with protection, and control with care. But real parenting is this: Listening deeply, even when it’s uncomfortable. Letting go, even when it scares you. Standing behind, not in front of your child. Pranay taught me that.He showed me that children don’t need us to choose for them.They need us to believe in them—especially when they choose something we don’t understand. A Note to Fellow Parents If you’re reading this and your child is trying to tell you something—please listen. That conversation could save more than their future. It could save their spirit. Support doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.It means creating space for exploration, failure, learning, and growth. Children are more capable than we give them credit for.They just need a safe place to discover that for themselves. In supporting my son, I didn’t lose my values.I redefined them. And today, I’m proud—because Pranay is not just doing what he loves.He’s doing it with depth, ownership, and clarity. Isn’t that what we truly want for our children?

When My Son Said: I Just Wanted You to Be Happy A father’s confession. A child’s truth. And a wake-up call for every parent. I thought I was being a good parent. I had a dream — not for me, but for him.That he’d wear the uniform. Serve the nation. Become an Indian Army officer.It was the dream I held onto for years. And I worked hard — not to force it, but to guide him.From Class 2 onwards, I painted this picture of pride, courage, and respect.And my son — my sweet boy — took it all in. Silently. Seriously. Lovingly.But not authentically. THE YEAR EVERYTHING FELL APART In 2021, during his 8th grade, something shifted.He stopped engaging.He didn’t submit his final exam papers.And when results came, his name wasn’t on the list. We were confused. Furious. Embarrassed.How could our bright child fail to even submit his papers? We rushed to the school, only to be told he wasn’t promoted because of the missing work.We pleaded, we pushed, we helped him submit the papers late and requested re-evaluation.But deep down, I knew something was breaking — and not just in him. THE CONVERSATION THAT CHANGED ME FOREVER That evening, we sat down with him — me and Shailu.No blame. No shouting. Just silence and space. And that’s when it happened.Our son said something that felt like a punch to the gut — but was also the truth I needed to hear. “I never wanted to disappoint you, Dad. I just wanted you to be happy. So I kept pretending.” “But I don’t want to join the Army. I don’t feel alive doing that. I love… art.” I froze. All these years, I thought I was showing love through guidance.But he received it as pressure.All those dreams I framed as “for your future”…He was carrying them like weights tied to his wings. THE MISERY OF A MISGUIDED PARENT I felt miserable. Not because he didn’t want what I wanted.But because I didn’t see him. I had become so fixated on the path I thought was noble…That I never stopped to ask:What lights him up? What makes him feel alive?Not once had I asked him what he truly wanted. I was living my dream through him.And I mistook his silence as agreement.But in reality, he was slowly disconnecting — from studies, from himself, from life. THIS IS NOT JUST MY STORY Since then, I’ve been meeting teens and parents — and I’ve realized:My story is their story too.A silent epidemic of misunderstood children and well-meaning but blindfolded parents. We ask: “What do you want to become?”But we answer it for them. We praise obedience. We reward conformity.And then we’re surprised when they feel lost, anxious, depressed — or worse, numb. HERE’S WHAT I’VE LEARNED (THE HARD WAY) 💔 You can love your child deeply and still fail to listen.💔 You can guide with good intentions and still cause harm.💔 You can be proud of your dreams, but you don’t have the right to assign them. And most of all:💔 If your child feels they have to lose themselves to make you proud… we have failed as parents. A SIMPLE SHIFT THAT CAN SAVE A LIFE  Ask. Don’t assume. Listen. Without fixing.  Observe. Not just their grades, but their spirit.  Accept. Even if what they love scares you.  Support. Especially when they walk away from your dream to follow theirs. IF YOU’RE A PARENT READING THIS… Don’t wait for a report card to reveal the struggle.Don’t wait for silence to turn into suffering. Sit with your child.Not to lecture. Not to check homework.Just to be there. To ask:“What’s been hard for you lately?”“Is there something you’re doing just to keep us happy?” And then — stay silent.Let them speak. Let them cry. Let them finally be heard. I almost lost my son — not physically, but emotionally.He was slipping away while I thought I was being the perfect father. Now, I’m learning to be a better one.One conversation, one mistake, one breakthrough at a time.